With the world feeling like it’s going to hell around us, I feel the need to inject a little humor into your day. I don’t write lists very often, and mostly I hate them, but I do love silly top ten lists so here’s mine. My top ten excuses for ordering pizza tonight.
- I Can’t Figure Out What to Make.
I’m staring at a pantry and fridge full of ingredients but nothing that’s already done. Sometimes you just want to open up a box and be done with it. I know it’s bad for you, but I just don’t feel like all the chopping, slicing, and stirring. I just want to pour some chicken nuggets on a baking sheet, throw some macaroni on and heat it up, but I don’t have any of that. I have quinoa, frozen chicken breasts, and fresh green beans. Time to call up Papa John’s.
- I Cleaned the House.
After cleaning the house and doing the laundry, the last thing I’m thinking about is what’s for dinner. Usually, by the time I’m done with all that, it’s too late to defrost anything anyway. It’s time for white pizza and chill.
- Lost Track of Time.
I know I can’t be the only person this has happened to. I’m at my desk; I’ve started doing whatever it was I sat down at my desk to do, then a Facebook notification pops up. I debate whether or not I want to go check it out and Facebook always wins. Then I get sucked down into the Facebook hole and the next thing you know the kids are walking in the door from school asking, what’s for dinner? Um, Pizza! Now, mom is great, and no one has to know you got sucked down the Facebook hole.
- I F*#%@ Up Dinner.
This happens more than I would like to admit. It’s not that I’m a horrible cook. I’m great, almost Gordon Ramsay caliber food when I’m on top of my game. But get me on a bad week when I’ve been flaring up and in a brain fog, who knows what you’re going to get. One time I put raw chicken in the crockpot and forgot to turn it on, which wouldn’t have helped even if I did remember because I never plugged it in. I came back three hours later to check on it and to my surprise, it was still raw. My brain fog always makes for another pizza night.
- Missing Ingredients.
Having children is wonderful, being married is awesome until you go to make something and find out that someone decided to make themselves a snack, use up everything and not tell you. You can’t make tacos without tortillas; you can’t make spaghetti without sauce. And it’s amazing that stuff always manages to poof in the house and yet no one knows who ate it.
- It’s the Weekend.
There’s an unspoken rule among mothers that Friday and Saturday are our nights off from cooking, or at least it was in the house I grew up in. Sunday, we had a big family meal but on Friday and Saturday, if you want to eat – you’re fending for yourself. I clock out. Somebody better call for some delivery because I’m not going near a pot until Sunday.
- I Just Need Food.
There are times when I’m starving, and I look in the fridge, and all I have is healthy stuff. Which is great but sometimes I want something with a higher calorie count, and I don’t care what it tastes like I just want grease in my mouth.
- The Husband Is Cooking.
Sometimes my husband can cook, but that’s like once a month. Then he uses up all his cooking mojo. If he happens to make anything else, you’re going to have to wash it down with a shot of Mylanta and some Apple Cider Vinegar just in case, so you don’t get food poisoning. It’s on those occasions when I walk into the kitchen, view his mise en place of ingredients and just order pizza. What could he possibly make with ramen noodles, orange peppers, leftover chicken from I don’t remember when I cooked that chicken, and salsa?
- We Are Going on Vacation or Moving.
We have moved a lot, probably more than we go on vacation. I always try to eat everything in the house before a move. By the time we get to the day we leave, there’s nothing left but a can of Campbell’s chicken broth. I swear that can has been moved to every house we’ve lived in for the past six years and should probably be emptied and recycled. But I’m scared to open it, at this point all the evils of the world might fall out. Either way, we’re having pizza, sitting on the floor surrounded by boxes, it’s our family tradition. My kids have learned to rely on it as adults rely on death and taxes. If there are moving boxes, there will be pizza.
And the number one reason I’m ordering pizza is….Drumroll…
(you know you just did it at your desk)
- I Went to The Grocery Store.
Now this seems counterintuitive but bear with me. By the time I finish walking around the grocery store, dealing with a-holes, schlepping all of the things back home, bringing all of the things into the house, cleaning out the fridge, and putting all the stuff away – I’m tired. I’m tired just typing that sentence. The last thing I want to do that evening is cook, so pizza it is.
Don’t even try to front and act like you don’t do it too.
If this post amused you – please share it and make someone else’s day a little brighter. And if you know a compulsive pizza ordering addict – send them this and let them know they are not alone.